Ghosts of Christmas

GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST

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Every year at Christmas time I get a bit nostalgic. Christmas as a child was usually a quiet affair, just the five of us and my paternal grandparents. When I met my husband I was a bit overwhelmed by the size of his family and their Christmas tradition of all gathering on Christmas eve to have a good meal and exchange presents and I grew to both love and dread holiday. Over the years our families grew up, new members were added by marriage and birth and we became scattered. Our final large family gathering was at my home in 2001 and was one of the best in my memory.

If I had to pick my happiest Christmas, it would be 2002. My husband's employer forced us to move across the state and I was dreading Christmas on the road to see my children and grandchildren. They shocked me by deciding that Christmas should be at our house and they all made the two hour drive to be with us. Some stayed over, some came for just the day, but we were all together, there was no tension and we had a wonderful time!

After that year many changes occurred and while there were still family celebrations they were held a week or two before Christmas and none had that same happy feel.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

This was our first Christmas spent in the Sunshine State. I have hated to be cold for as long as I can remember and I have had no use for snow since about the age of ten! I have long dreamed of moving to a warm climate and this was the year the dream came true. I struggled with the guilt I felt at not being with family but I was eventually able to set that aside and really enjoy the season. It was an unseasonably warm year here and my memories of my first Christmas here will be of shorts, open windows and warm breezes. Traditional Christmas decorations with snowmen and icicle lights seem so out of place here that they made me smile. Christmas day was a quiet but pleasant day spent with my husband's sister and her husband.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE

Peering into my crystal ball to "see" what the future holds I envision a Christmas far into the future, when my grandchildren are all grown and have babies of their own. The entire family is able to travel at the same time, here to Florida and we have a week filled with days at the beach, in the pool and undoubtedly at a theme park or two culminating with squeals of delight as great-grandchildren discover that Santa can find you wherever you may be..........

This was written for the 114th edition of the Carnival of Genealogy, A Charles Dickens Christmas, to be hosted by Jasia at Creative Gene. Poster courtesy of footnoteMaven.

Weekly Rewind

My Week

My week was an emotional roller coaster ride but I think the ride is winding down. From the time we arrived at the ER on Monday Mom's condition just kept worsening. She was so bad when I left on Wednesday that I thought we would lose her. But she turned the corner and by Wednesday evening she had started improving. On Thursday she was so weak that she could not even move her legs a few inches by herself to get comfortable. Yesterday she was able to get out of bed and into a chair with just a little help and she was able to feed herself!

Yesterday was the first day that I was able to talk to her and believe that she actually knew what I was talking about. She had a test to see if surgery to repair the aneurysm is even possible. If it is possible it is probably very risky with her other medical problems so she and we, her family, may still have some hard decisions and a lot of soul searching ahead. With the holiday weekend we probably won't know much before Monday.

If she does not have surgery she will be transferred to a nursing home for short term rehab some time next week. She is still too weak to manage at home by herself but we are hopeful that after another week or two of care that she can go home, with some additional help. Her transition will be hard on all of us and I expect that I won't be online too much for the next week or so. I still have much to do both for her and at home before my surgery.

I want to thank all of the people that have taken care of her at Crouse Hospital in Syracuse. Everyone has been very kind to her. I especially want to thank the staff on 6 North. For myself, I thank Linda, N.P., for patiently answering my questions and giving me the support I needed.

I also want to thank all of you that have offered words of support and friendship during the week either here or on FaceBook. Your comments kept me going!

Roundups

I did almost no reading this week. I hope to start catching up over the next few days.

Please check out John Newmark's Weekly Genealogy Picks at TransylvanianDutch.

You may also find something you've missed in one of the Follow Friday posts at GeneaBloggers.

I'll Be Away for Awhile

I just wanted to post something quickly to let everyone know that I won't be posting for the next several days. My April shout out will be delayed and there will be no Weekly Rewind this week.

Late last week, Mom had what we thought was the stomach bug that was going around. By Saturday she sounded better and said she felt much better.

I arrived this morning to find her quite ill. Her doctor had no open appointments so we headed to the ER and as it turns out that is is where she needed to be. We took her in for what we thought was a bowel problem and the triage nurse discovered a problem with her heartbeat. She has had a problem with her heart for years but this is something new. That did not explain the belly pain so a CT scan was done and they did not find what we expected. She has an abdominal aortic aneurysm and has had it for some time. That may or may not explain her pain. When she started feeling ill she stopped taking all of her medications, including those for her heart. Her blood pressure was very high. They spent hours trying different drugs to bring it down.

Three times a charm, they found a drug that is working. It is hoped that her heart rhythm will sort itself out over night. She is still very ill and we haven't received many answers yet. Tomorrow there will be a parade of doctors through to try and figure out what needs to be done to get her back on her feet.

For tonight she is resting - and so am I. I see a very long and emotional week ahead.

Special Stocking, Precious Gift

This was written with difficulty two years ago. I still cry when I read it, both from remembered pain and joy. Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas!

When I was 20 and a day I received the special gift of a baby boy. He arrived three weeks early, weighing only 6 lbs 8 oz. He thrived and grew rapidly and all was right with the world.

I found myself pregnant again, before my body had fully healed. My due date was BJ's birthday, December 17th. It turns out that all was not as right with my world as I had thought; my husband was seeing someone else. I struggled both physically and emotionally for most of this pregnancy. Around November 10th I was taken out of work and told the I'd have my baby "any day now." Things at home continued to be stressful. I was still in a fantasy world that we could work things out. BJ had more than made up for his low birth weight and was in no hurry to walk. Somehow I managed to strain the ligaments to my uterus. My back hurt constantly. I fought just to get through each day.

December 17th came and went. The doctor continued to say any day now. Sonograms were not performed back then but the baby's heart beat was strong. I finally went into labor in the early evening on the 24th. On Christmas day we went to my mother's. His family met us there because we weren't sure when we'd have to head to the hospital. Gifts were exchanged, everyone had a nice dinner (I had weak tea) and my contractions continued. We watched the Bells of St Mary's and my mother got progressively more nervous. Finally about 5:00 we left for the hospital. That Christmas day was the coldest on record; I can still remember the pain of the cold walking from the parking garage.

When we got to the hospital I got the same nurse that I'd had the year before and she was absolutely wonderful. I had a birthing room and my husband promptly fell asleep in the recliner. I told the nurse to leave him. My doctor was not on call on Christmas so I got the other doctor from the office whom I had only met once before. He was nasty to me and worse to the nurses. When the baby was finally ready I was told not to push because the doctor was having cookies and eggnog. I requested the intern but the doctor did arrive in time for the birth (but not in time to perform an episiotomy.) Just after 9:30 I had a perfect but tiny baby girl. Bean weighed only 6 lbs. 1/2 oz.

Phone calls were made. I was moved to my room and my husband went home. Bean was moved to the nursery where the nurses slid her into this stocking. There were only three babies in the nursery and they all looked so cute in these stockings that had been handmade by a hospital volunteer. We stayed in the hospital three wonderful days. I missed BJ but I had been so worn out that it was wonderful to have all of the nurses and other staff dote on us. I had learned the year before that before Christmas the maternity ward is packed so that everyone could be home for Christmas.

The first sign of the trouble that lay ahead came on our third day when it was evident that I would not be able to nurse. For the next six months I wasn't sure that she would survive. She lost weight. She was allergic to the formulas we tried. A soy formula was the best available alternative at the time and she only kept down a small part of each feeding. She slept around the clock and had to be awakened for feedings. I kept her right next to my bed and checked on her several times a night. At her six week checkup she had gained very little, the newborn clothes still too big on her. She was anemic and I had to take her for regular blood work. They'd stick her tiny foot while I held her and cried. When she was four months old my husband finally moved in with his girlfriend. One burden had been removed and things got a bit easier for me. She started to stay awake more and keep a little more down, including the iron supplements. In June she finally turned the corner and started to grow and play and thrive.

She continued to amaze me as she grew into womanhood. She always fought for what she believed in. She never gave up on anything. Today she is married, has her own business and two children of her own.

Someday I may pass this stocking on to her but for now it is mine. It once held the most precious Christmas gift I ever received.

4 Memories Until Christmas

Aruba. John and I had booked this trip months in advance. Most marriages run into trouble at some point and just before we were due to go we had some problems to deal with. I really didn’t want to go but in the end I did. Sure, I remember the flooding in Oranjestad and the touristy things we did, but what I remember most is long walks and long talks. I realized then how very much I loved him that I couldn’t picture life without him.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

6 Memories Until Christmas

I’ve received many homemade ornaments from students over the years. I remember each child as I hang them on the tree.

So how did I become a school bus driver? I started driving in Akron, NY. My neighbor retired, or at least tried to. She kept getting called to sub, so she asked me to consider replacing her and at the same time a woman in my Home Bureau chapter asked if I would drive. People weren't exactly lining up for a high stress job that paid $10 an hour but only gave you 5 to 15 hours a week. I looked on it as community service back then - my kids were walkers. LOL. I was fairly certain I'd never learn how to handle something that big but I surprised myself. Very shortly after I got my commercial license John was transferred back to Syracuse and my neighbor got called to sub again. After a few years John got transferred back to Buffalo and we moved back to Akron, so all the time they spent training me wasn't totally in vain. Once John retired we once again returned to CNY so we would be back near family but Akron was a wonderful place to live and I still miss all of my friends there.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

7 Memories Until Christmas

I have a mixed bag of memories of my Dad. He firmly believed that children should be seen but not heard. So my memory of the train set that he had in the basement is good one. There was no question that it was his train but he’d sometimes let us run it. He had built a very large table with a hole cut out in the center so you had to crawl under to get to the controls. Lots of track and switches and little toy buildings and trees. But most of all his time and attention.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

8 Memories Until Christmas - Happy Birthday B!

B was born just before Christmas and I never did get out and get him a baby's first Christmas ornament. Instead I purchased this one the following year. It's not much to look at, just a simple silk ball covered with a plastic picture. No matter how unattractive, it has had a place on my tree for a good many years now.

Dear B,
Where have the years gone? You were (still are!) the best birthday gift I ever received. Back when you were a teenager I was worried that I'd totally blown it as a parent. Who would have thought that the kid who ran away and didn't want to finish school would turn into the man that you've become? A hard working husband and devoted father. A phenomenal author - the agents that have turned you down will be kicking themselves in a year or two! I'm proud of you!

Happy Birthday!

9 Memories Until Christmas

Jamaica. Our first trip to an all inclusive and all the rum I couldn’t handle. The bar with swings instead of stools. The trip where they couldn’t find our reservation. Our first trip to a nude beach. The only trip we’ve taken where I didn’t feel safe leaving the resort. This was also our first trip with our best friends that was just the four of us, no kids, and miraculously, they’re still our best friends. After the trip they gave me a pillow that says "A friend knows all about you and still likes you"!






This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

12 Memories Until Christmas

What do you give the dad who has everything? Over the years the kids have given John several Shultz and Dooley beer steins. Friends of ours saw this ornament while they were on vacation and bought it for us. It makes me think of them, past gifts given and received and the old Utica Club commercials.






This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

14 Memories Until Christmas

Our house was built into the side of a hill and when we were very little we went sledding right in the side yard. After the blizzard of '66 it was a big hill! We'd often sled down Bigsby's Hill in the neighborhood, Westcott reservoir in Geddes or Woodland reservoir near my grandparent's house. We used sleds with metal runners or some of the kids had toboggans. One year I got a plastic flying saucer for Christmas and that became my favorite. My brother would start me spinning just before he shoved me down the hill.

The first time I took my kids to the "res" sledding, Bean wasn't quite ready and I had to take her to my mom's because BJ loved it and PJ couldn't get back to the top fast enough! They have now fenced off the top of both reservoirs off so my grandkids will never know the joy of flying down one of the really big hills.

Side yard Hill c 1967

As children sledding was pure joy!
This picture of a childhood friend is a favorite of mine.

Westcott Reservoir c. 1984

c 1982

This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

15 Memories Until Christmas

John was transferred in 1989 and I found myself in Akron, NY, a couple of hours away from family for the first time in my life. The local Home Bureau chapter published an open invitation for new members and having been a member here, I went. Most of the ladies were seniors and all were at least 15 years older than me. I felt quite out of place at first but they welcomed me and became my local family.

One of the members had the same first name as me and crocheted this bell for me because despite years of trying she could never teach me to make them for myself. She and many members of the group have passed on now but I remember them all each Christmas.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

16 Memories Until Christmas

My sister and brother-in-law bought an old farm house and have been working hard at renovating it. The first year that they hosted the annual family Christmas Eve dinner, she was mortified that a swam of ladybugs suddenly appeared in the house. We all had a great time and it was a memorable Christmas.

I’ve always thought of ladybugs as lucky and purchased these ornaments for both of our trees so we’d always remember that special Christmas.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

Santa's Best Gift

SANTA CAME! SANTA CAME! MOM, DAD, HURRY! COME SEE!

Construx, what a great toy that was. I assure you B was quite pleased with Santa's generosity, he played with that toy for hours and hours.

But look closer. What's that down on the floor?

1985 is the Christmas that both B and Bean remember as their favorite, most special, bestest Christmas ever! There were presents but neither remembers a single one. What they do remember is what Santa filled the living room with.

BALLOONS MOM! HE BROUGHT US BALLOONS!

Times were a bit tight back then. I had quit my job the year before to stay home with my kids. After all of the presents were placed under the tree we decided to fill up the empty spaces with a few balloons. Two bags later we were high as kites and giggling like kids ourselves. We really did not anticipate how excited the kids would be over $3 worth of balloons. They only lasted a couple of weeks but the memory will last a lifetime for all of us.

This was our third year year together as a family. They say three times a charm and for us it was. 1985 was the bestest Christmas ever.





This was written for the 19th edition of Smile for the Camera, Gift, to be hosted by footnote Maven at Shades of the Departed.

17 Memories Until Christmas

When we were dating I learned to like SU sports.

Ok, so I only pretended to like football but I loved to watch the basketball games. It did take me quite awhile to figure out all of the rules.

Even our wedding was planned around the SU hoops schedule!

In all honesty this ornament does not make it onto the tree every year. Orange is not a Christmas color. This year when we were decorating the tree Nikki saw it in the pile of ornaments I had set aside and pitched a fit until I let her hang it on the tree but not before she had shown it to the other three like it was some special prize!


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

19 Memories Until Christmas

My Mom has always loved hot air balloons. We always looked for gifts with a balloon theme when her birthday rolled around. When we were kids, in the car with Mom, if we saw a balloon she’d chase it and we’d watch it land. I found myself chasing a balloon with my kids in the car one time!

Years ago we had a camp at Sylvan Beach and one year they had tethered balloon rides set up right where we could watch from the front porch. Mom was visiting for her birthday and finally got to take a ride. She must have been in her sixties then and her health was just starting to decline. She was just so tickled and I am so glad that she got to do something she had always wanted to do.

The last time Mom was able to travel to her brother’s in Michigan, I took her. When we started for home I got on the highway in the wrong direction and just down the road were two balloons which she was able to watch for quite awhile before I could turn around. When we got to Cleveland, you guessed it - I got on the wrong highway again. The highway ended shortly afterward and we traveled for miles on a two lane road along Lake Erie. And again there were balloons before I made my way back to the highway. That was the only trip that Mom and I ever took, just the two of us.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

21 Memories Until Christmas

My mother tells stories of having real candles on the tree when she was a girl. When we were growing up she rarely shared memories of her childhood with us. I’ve learned to ask and she’s learned to share. I gotten better at writing them down.


This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

24 Memories Until Christmas

I like to call my tree a memory tree. There are some ornaments that I bought just because I liked them but most of the ornaments on my tree hold a special meaning. Maybe they are special because they remind me of a certain period of my life. Some were bought to honor a certain person. Many were gifts. From now until Christmas I will be sharing some of these memories here.

Before I get to any of the ornaments I put on the lights. My tree has all blue lights because John is my “Blue light special.” Yup, we met at K-mart. (For those of you too young to remember they used to have a flashing blue light, like you might find on an emergency vehicle, on the top of a tall pole on wheels that they moved around the store to the manager’s special of the moment.) We both ended up in line together at the electronics counter in the back of the store. I was alone, he had PJ with him. We started chatting to pass the time. His turn came and they left. I took care of my business and headed back up to the front desk to complete my return. We ended up in line again together. The fact that I had two very small children was revealed. He still asked for my phone number and I gave it to him; that was the only time I gave a man I didn’t know my phone number. Our road together has had many twists, turns, bumps and a couple of pot-holes but our love has seen us through 25 Christmas’ together and I'm looking forward to #26.



This series originally appeared in 2006 at The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Some posts have been updated, others replaced.

Musical Memories

There isn't much of a history of musicians in my family. Grandma Carlisle took singing lessons and I'm told she had a beautiful voice that was rarely heard outside of church. My mother took a few piano lessons as a child. She was given a cardboard picture of a keyboard and that is what she had to practice on. There was a large group of children in the class and each was allowed only a few minutes to play on an actual piano each week. It's not surprising that she soon lost interest.


Ta Ta Ti Ti Ta

I have always loved music. One of my earliest memories is of sitting on the kindergarten carpet and chanting ta ta ti ti ta, ti ti, ti ti, ta ta while I banged two red dowels together. Rhythm sticks were my introduction to musical instruments and I wanted more.


50th 51st Use for a Flutophone

My mother's best friend's daughter was several years older than I and when she got a new open hole flute, her older, closed hole flute was lent to me. In this picture I had just turned five. I don't remember her ever giving me lessons nor when or how I learned to read music but I learned how to play. I was never really very good but playing was pure joy for me. Also pictured is my brother with a flutophone that I have no memory of at all.

I don't know how long I had possession of the flute but eventually it was returned. Mom didn't have the money to buy me my own but she was able to buy me a very nice alto recorder. I played it often and was fairly proficient but I never enjoyed playing it nearly as much as the flute. I still have it today though I haven't played it in years.


Next Big Thing

Not being really thrilled with the recorder I talked Mom into buying me a guitar. It was a very basic thing with painful steel strings. Mom signed me up for group lessons at the downtown YWCA and I practiced constantly. When Mom realized that it wasn't a passing fancy for me she bought me a much nicer guitar and somehow found the money to pay for private lessons. The lessons were about fifteen miles away and not on the bus line so she had to drive me to them too. I practiced, I learned, I found joy in my music but I was never really good. I could pick a bit but never managed the difficult classical pieces I so wanted to play.

When I was in middle school some friends and I formed a garage band and had aspirations of being the next big thing. I played mostly rhythm guitar and sang my heart out - even when the rest of the group begged me to stop. Of course our dreams never amounted to anything but I have very fond memories of this chapter of my life. In my head I can still hear my friend playing Stairway to Heaven. What ever happened to him?


Let's March

My troubled teen years found me spending my freshman year of high school living with my father and step-mother in North Carolina. The first day of school I was sent out to the road to catch the bus and go to school. I guess most parents take their child the first day and get them registered or maybe even pre-register them but not my dad. Since the school had no idea I was coming, they hadn't received my records from New York and had to take my word for what classes I should take. So I lied and told them that I'd been in the band and would like to continue.

When I got to my first band class I explained to the band director that I had no instrument but I could play flute or sax, whatever they had. What they had was an alto clarinet.
Now the alto clarinet is not the sexiest of instruments but if the school was willing to provide it I was willing to learn how to play it!

I lugged it home and proudly showed it off to my father and step-mother. My first attempts at playing it were full of squeaks and my step-mother informed me that if I intended to make all that noise I could do so out in the barn. Getting out of the house and being alone was not a punishment to me so I happily spent my practice time there. The pieces I was given were never very challenging so I did ok.

The best thing about the band was that we got to march. There weren't any field shows, just parade march. The band traveled to Wilmington to a parade competition and that was one of the highlights of my high school years.


Last Chair

I only spent the one school year with Dad. When I returned to New York I had to leave the alto clarinet behind. Again, I don't know how Mom managed it, but she bought me a used alto saxophone so that I could continue in band. This school had one of the top rated marching bands in the state and a very demanding practice schedule that I could not meet. So I settled for concert band. The band director was not happy with anyone that didn't march and was very unimpressed with my ability. I sat last chair and knew I always would. There was one other sax player who was very good and he helped me all he could. I knew he was in deep do-do when the director threatened to give him my chair - in front of everybody. That was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. My band experience there was so miserable that I didn't bother to join in my junior and final year of high school. With a full time job I wouldn't have been able to schedule it anyway but it is still one of life's regrets for me; I wish I had stuck with it.


Band Mom

I did pass my love of music on to my children. Both of my sons played trombone and my daughter the trumpet. The two younger ones were in jazz band for a couple of years along with marching band. I became a band mom and I loved going to all of their concerts and parades. The two younger kids had more interest and really excelled. Then disaster struck. John was transferred and we moved. The kids went from attending a small school with a great band director to a huge school where they were just numbers in a chair. The boys never played much after that but even though my daughter was no longer in the band she stuck with the trumpet and still plays occasionally.


And the Band Plays On

The next generation is just starting out on their musical exploration. The flutophone is now taught in school in second or third grade so Mike and Nikki have had that introduction. Mike is in his middle school band, in the percussion section. Guitar will be taught as part of his music classes this year and he'd like to use mine. I lugged it in from the garage to take the picture I used above. It has a missing string and gear. I'll work at repairing it and maybe recover the joy of playing myself. Nikki won't be able to start with a band instrument until next year but she's already excited about it and trying to decide on an instrument. In a few more years I hope all six will play something and we can have our own family band!


This was written for the 83rd edition of the Carnival of Genealogy to be hosted by Janet Iles at Janet the Researcher.

The subtitle, 50th 51st use for a Flutophone, is my homage to Bill West and fun times in geneablogging land. For the other 49 50 Genealogical Uses for a Flutaphone visit West in New England.

Carnival poster courtesy of of fM at footnote Maven.


Photo of alto clarinet from Wikpedia courtesy of MToolen.

This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 3.0 License. In short: you are free to share and make derivative works of the file under the conditions that you appropriately attribute it, and that you distribute it only under a license identical to this one.

Photo of alto saxophone from Wikipedia courtesy of Tdvance.

This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 3.0 License. In short: you are free to share and make derivative works of the file under the conditions that you appropriately attribute it, and that you distribute it only under a license identical to this one.

All other images are from the personal collection of the author.